According to the Benny Hill song, 'Ernie' was the fastest what?

Written and performed by the English comedian Benny Hill (1924-1992), 'Ernie (The Fastest Milkman in the West)' is a humorous song inspired by Hill's experience as a milkman. It was performed for the first time in 1970 and shot to the top of the UK Singles Chart in 1971. Additionally, it reached the UK Christmas number one spot that year.

'Ernie' was originally written in 1955 for a screenplay that was never filmed. It narrates the fictional story of Ernie Price, a 52-year-old milkman who drives a horse-drawn milk cart. Ernie is constantly at war with "Two-Ton Ted" the bread delivery man, with whom he competes to win the heart of Sue, who lives at No. 22, Linley Lane. When it looks like Ernie may have won, Ted challenges Ernie to a duel, using the items on their respective carts as weapons. Ted emerges triumphant after Ernie is killed by a rock cake underneath his heart and a stale pork pie in his eye. The tongue-in-cheek song ends when Sue and Ted, now married, hear strange noises and wonder if Ernie's ghost has returned to haunt them.

Hill first performed the song on 'The Benny Hill Show' in 1970. After its success as a single, Hill recorded a promotional film of the song with himself as Ernie and his comedy partner, Henry McGee, as Ted.

Alfred Hawthorne "Benny" Hill was a British comedian, actor and singer, who starred in 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang' (1968) and 'The Italian Job' (1969). 'Ernie' won Hill an Ivor Novello Award in 1972.